Break up between persons, who loved each other very sincerely, is a heartbreaking experience. This is applicable not only for lovers, but also for friends and couples. Likewise, the demise of someone whom we loved so deeply also affects us negatively.
A journalist named Florence Williams has written about her emotions when her husband demanded a divorce from her after living together for 25 years. She wrote that, at that moment, she felt like her body was being plugged into an electric socket. Her following nights were sleepless. She lost weight. Her pancreas became dysfunctional. She was no more able to think properly or work efficiently. Eventually, she became ill.
Perhaps, we might have gone through similar or even worse situations. Here are a few pieces of advice for those who are going through such situations or for those who might face them in future.
Do not negate yourself
When we have undergone a break up or been rejected by our lover, the first negative thought will be this: “I am bad. It happened because of my fault.” When we are overwhelmed by such negative thoughts, we will look at ourselves with contempt and hatred. We should not negate ourselves. Neither should we hate ourselves. Do not take on yourselves the responsibility for being rejected. Also do not disparage yourself.
Reduce pressure
Find way outs to come out of mental and physical pressures. Meditation, walk, exercise, writing, music etc. will help you to come out of this. Healing will come as we become calm and serene. Once you have acquired emotional maturity and rationality, you will be able to plan out your future.
Develop social relationships
When rejected, do not sit alone or plunge into loneliness, but get in touch with the society. Confining yourselves into isolation will only worsen your wounds and take you down to deeper negativity. Hence, develop more social relationships and grow new relationships.
Discover the aim of your life
Just because you are rejected, it does not mean that your life is neglected. Neither does life end with that. Such rejection is only a lesson of life. Learn from that experience and go ahead. Just because one person is bad, it does not mean that everyone in the world is bad. Be optimistic about life.
Do not put all the blame on your partner
Quarrels are natural in marital life. Is a partner always trying to put all the blame on his/her partner whenever a quarrel arises? Such people think that he/she is blameless and the other one is always the culprit.
Psychologists say that this attitude of habitually hiding one’s own faults and blaming the partner always is not at all healthy. They say that this is a kind of emotional exploitation. When one (husband or wife) is constantly and frequently subject to blaming, that person will begin to doubt himself or herself.
By causing your partner to think that he/she is always on the wrong side, you are actually winning the game while your partner is losing. If we observe a person who constantly blames his/her partner from a distance, we will understand that that person is actually projecting his/her own defects upon his/her partner. A person, who alleges that his/her partner has no love or consideration, will be actually lacking love and consideration. They are alleging so in order to hide their own defects. People who doubt their life partners or attempt to tarnish their character are actually blaming without any proof. Besides, some of these accusers will be having the same defects.
There are many people around us, who lead a disheartened life because of the constant blames and accusations they receive from their partners. In the long run, they might even lose the balance of their mind due to these continuous accusations. Hence, such behaviors should be corrected if it is found repeated.
If you want to grow in a good relationship, the first thing you need to do is to stop blaming and accusing the other. Before you try to correct your partner, first you correct yourself. Always remember that finding fault with your partner always and justifying all your acts is not at all good in any kind or relationship.
