Almost all adults agree that speaking about death to children is really difficult. When their nearest one dies or is about to die, their parents and the adults in the family would find it very hard to tell about it to the children, especially if the children are very young. But, psychologists opine that it is wrong not to tell children about death to children. There are many children who have been victims of depression due to the death of their dear ones and have stopped their studies. The dead person may be his father or mother or his close relative or his classmate. Statistics state that one out of ten children suffer from such losses. Most children may not have reached the age to understand what death is. To get the preliminary notion about death, a child should be at least ten years old. So, when we speak to children about death, we need to take their age into account. Children’s response to death will change according to their age. Some deaths will be happening after giving forewarnings. Some people die after a long period of illness or accidents or due to old age. Giving information about the imminent death to children will help them to prepare for it and alleviate the impact of death. Psychologists put forward six points that will give light into how to
tell children about death:
Speak to each child separately
We know that every child is different. If there are more than one child in a home, speak to each of them separately. Make them understand that you are always available to them to share their feelings. You should also convince them how the deceased person loved them.
Find out what the children have understood
Once the children have started listening to you and speaking to you, find out what they have understood about the occurrence. Ferret out their ideas and notions about death… If they have understood erroneously, rectify their understanding.
Provide information as per requirement
Give them forewarning about death according to the situation. You should say in the beginning: “The doctor said that Daddy has a tumor; but doctors are trying to save him.” When the children have accepted the fact, tell them: Doctors say that there is little chance for Daddy to get better.
Finally, you should say: “Doctors say that Daddy can never be the same as he was earlier. He might die in the near future.” Thus, reveal to them about death gradually. This may help the children to accept death in a more mature way.
Welcome questions
At this point, children may ask you questions. They may ask about the possibility of going to another hospital and taking another treatment. Give them honest answers. Small children may need simple replies. But, older ones may need detailed explanations.
Reduce anxieties
Convince them that they have the obligation to reduce the pain of loss and guilt feeling. Tell them that they are never a reason for the death of the person in any way. Help them to believe that no one in this world is able to bring back those who have died. We should also tell them that it takes time to heal the wounds of loss.
Help them to remember
As time passes, children are prone to forget the ones who have died. Help them to remember them. Ask them to write stories and poems about the deceased ones. Tell them to write memoirs about them. Bringing back joyful memories of the deceased ones will help the children to heal the wounds within, left behind by the loss.
