“I get scared when I look forward to the future. There is no one to take care of me and cook for me when I get old and invalid!” One of my friends, who is a divorcee, shared his anxiety with me.
“Even for the married ones, there is no assurance that he will have someone to look after him when he is old and invalid. It could happen that his wife dies before him and his children stay away from the house in connection with their jobs. So, there is not much difference between the married and the unmarried.” I tried to pacify him by putting forward my arguments.
At once, my friend retorted: “How can this comparison be justified? A person who has someone has better hope than one who has no one! At least the married ones have someone who can give medicines and cook food for them while they are bedridden with a fever. But, who is there to do all those things for a divorcee?”
It was then the thought ‘Why should one marry?’ struck my mind. Just as the saying goes “it is the sick who need a physician”, people think about the need of a spouse as someone to take care of them when they need support. A dedicated support for which you need not have to pay money!
Nevertheless, this hope sometimes fail. Another friend once shared his experience. It was during the outbreak of the pandemic. He was living with his wife and children. He got ill with Covid 19. Expecting that his wife would take care of him, he stayed back home without going to Covid care centre. But, he confided to me that he had one of most horrendous experience during those days. His wife was too scared and she tried to keep away from him. Neither did she allow their children to come near their father. Even while admitting that social distancing and safety is necessary, it is also alarming to find that Covid patients are treated as lepers were treated in ancient times. “If my wife, whom I married after a love affair, behaves like this, what about the case of others?” he wondered. “From this, I understood one thing. Whether you are married or unmarried, only you will be left for yourselves” he added.
Many parents, who compel their sons to marry, justify their argument saying: “Who will look after you when we are all dead and gone?” Who will give you a glass of warm water? That means, many men marry women to serve him as a maid. A maid servant who does not need payment! Many men do not consider their wives as a person who has equal rights. Some people are hen-pecked husbands and some others are male chauvinists. The number of those who go beyond are comparatively less.
It has become a common practice that any man should marry once he has reached a certain age. There are some others. They marry to satiate their sexual desires. They consider marriage as a secure means to quench their sexual hunger. Although sex is important in married life, it is not the end. The core of marriage is the harmony between husband and wife. It is not a relationship based on body. Those who marry for carnal desires, go in search of other women or men when their wives or husbands have fallen ill.
Marriage is essentially a bond of friendship, a union. Sexual relations should emerge out of mutual love, friendship and mutual respect. Sex should be like a kiss placed on the sacred book after reading it. Sex should not be for the pleasure of one partner alone.
Marital life will sail smooth and successfully only when you abandon the thought that your partner must serve you and love you, and begin to love and take care of your partner. It does not matter if the marriageable age is raised or lowered. What is important is that the persons involved attain emotional maturity for marriage. You should decide to marry when you are able to respect your partner as yourself, when you are able to give even though you do not get in return, when you are able to acknowledge your spouse as your life partner to stay with you in all circumstances and not as a partner in bed alone.
You should not decide to marry because your parents are compelling you to marry or the friends of your age have all married. Getting married is not an urgency. Do not marry for others; instead marry to make your heart happy. Marry when your heart has become wider so that you can love even when you are not loved and consider when you are not duly considered. Ask yourself “Why am I getting married?” If you do not feel that getting married is essential for you, do not shy away from making a decision not to marry.
