‘Don’t hide anything. Be completely open.’ This is one of the most common pieces of advice newlyweds receive. Transparency is indeed a key ingredient in making a marriage both beautiful and trustworthy.
But it is also important to know what to be transparent about and to what extent.
Transparency can only exist when there’s a basic level of mutual understanding between partners. This includes the ability to convey things clearly and to understand each other’s tone and intent – in modern terms, they need to ‘vibe’ with each other.
Without that vibe, communication can easily be misunderstood leading to unnecessary conflict. A strong vibe usually forms when both partners share similar intellectual and cultural levels. When there is a significant difference in these, even well-intended honesty can be misinterpreted or met with harsh judgment and control.
So before you choose to “share everything” in the name of openness, make sure you are not setting yourself up for emotional backlash. Use discretion in communication: Whether you’re talking about the past or the present, speak with awareness. After some years of marriage, physical changes in appearance are natural. Don’t point these out in a way that hurts your partner.
Be careful when commenting on your partner’s looks, skin tone, or sense of style. If they wear new clothes or jewelry, don’t make jokes that sound mocking.
Never Compare: Avoid comparisons at all costs – whether with another man or woman.
No husband or wife likes to be compared to someone else. Comparisons only lead to jealousy and insecurity.
When arguments happen, never say things like, ‘Marrying you was the biggest mistake of my life.’ Though such words are often said in a moment of anger, the emotional damage they cause is deep and lasting.
It is also common to hear comparisons like: ‘My father wasn’t like you’, ‘My mother wasn’t like you.’ Avoid placing your partner in the role of your parent.
Share Responsibility in Mistakes: Disagreements and differences of opinion are normal in marriage. Even decisions made together can sometimes go wrong. In such moments don’t pin the blame entirely on one person.
True strength in a relationship comes when both partners see a mistake as a shared burden and face it together.
Be Respectful Even When Talking About In-Laws: You may have disagreements with your partner’s family or find it hard to get along with them. But it is wise to avoid expressing hatred or contempt toward them in front of your spouse.
Some spouses harshly criticize their in-laws but this doesn’t just harm the relationship with those family members – it damages the bond between husband and wife more deeply.
Phrases like ‘What’s the use of having you?’, ‘What are you doing here, just sitting around?’ are highly disrespectful. Spoken by some wives to their husbands or by some husbands to their wives these kinds of statements gradually destroy the foundation of a marriage.
When spouses speak to each other with mutual respect, the marriage flourishes.
It is not grand romantic gestures but small daily words of kindness, understanding and mutual regard that make married life beautiful.
