This note is based on a conversation with my second son. When he was very upset over a trivial issue, I said to him, “Son, why are you so upset? Daddy is here with you.. Daddy loves you, son..” I expected that he would feel happy or reassured by these words, but I saw no particular change in his expression. So I asked again, “Does daddy not love you? Is that what you think?”
Then he said to me in English, “I think daddy loves me. But only daddy knows whether you love me or not.”
That reply from my ten-year-old was a great realization for me. I saw that answer in two ways: One, he is not aware that I love him. Or else my love has not been experienced by him in a way that he understands that I love him. In that as a father I have failed greatly.
Two- even though we say we have love, we love, or we are loving others, whether the other person truly feels that love or not is something only we ourselves can know. Because love resides inside us. Our love is sometimes just an expression. It may not have the depth or foundation. Sometimes we imagine love even when there is none. Sometimes we give something like love without having real love inside. Even when I behave gently, interact warmly, and speak with a smile to a person, I cannot say that I truly love that person from within.
Behavior, interaction, and speech can be seen as expressions of love, but they can also be parts of our strategy. It can be an attempt to win the other person’s affection, to impress them, to gain some advantage, or to play a good child’s role. Think about how many times we have acted this way. Did we really have sincere love for them? We must ask and evaluate ourselves.
Then there are some others who are devoid of love in their behavior. They will never appear as loving people from outside. They never spread the sweetness of love through words. Their outward appearance is such that one may even doubt whether they have ever heard the word ‘love.’ I have a friend like that. Sometimes, I try to find some signs of love in him towards others, but such an attempt has never come from him. He has never proven his love to me in words or behavior. Yet I know that he loves me deeply. He was always there in my needs, my sorrows, and helplessness. When my mother passed away in the evening, he came running after hearing the news but did not say anything. Rarely, he would just touch my shoulder and hold me silently. In that gesture, there was everything. Everything.
Love must be recognized without words. When we try to define love, it is not just the lover who speaks, but his love itself is also put to the test. The above incident made me weigh and analyze my own love for others. Do I truly have love inside me? Are my smiles and sweet talks actually reflections of my love? God who knows my heart, you alone know. Only you. Measure me in the balance of your love.
