A saying goes thus: “When consumed excessively, even divine nectar will be poisonous”. This rule is applicable in marital life as well. Psychologists say that excessive attachment toward one’s spouse can create problems. Inordinately binding your spouse with love can do more harm than good.
Yes, you should love your spouse, but you should also understand that he or she is another person. Your spouse has a different personality. When you stop seeing your spouse as your property and accept her or him as another personality, your relationship will become strong. Then you will begin to understand the meaning of his or her actions. Try to see your spouse from his or her perspective. Then your complaints about him or her will slowly stop.
There are some people. They won’t allow their spouse to move this way or that way. They will not let their spouse go to their home or mingle with their friends. This is not right. Your spouse had a family and friends before he or she was married to you. They have the right to maintain those relationships. You need to put a curb to those relationships only when you sense that they are threatening your family bond.
There are some people who are too anxious about their spouses. Hyper emotion is the reason for it. Practicing detachment is the solution. When you maintain a healthy distance in your marital relationship, half of your anxiety will vanish. Peace will begin to pervade in your life.
Some people say that “I cannot live without my spouse”. This is a sign of over attachment. We should be aware of the unpredictability of life. We should attain the psychological maturity to face if anything bad happens to your spouse. We will be able to overcome this only when we get rid of our hyper emotion. Then you will be able to face anything that happens in your life.
Self-dependence has a key role to play here. There are some wives who hold that they will cook only if their husbands purchase the necessary things. They are not ready to buy even a packet of salt from the shop. Likewise there are some husbands who solely depend on their wives for washing and ironing their clothes. They will understand the disadvantage of this habit only when they are forced to live away from their home for a week or two. Hence self- dependence is essential for a smooth flow of marital life.
Give ample space to your spouse. Never trespass into his or her space unnecessarily. Find a space for yourself as well. Think also about yourself rather than thinking too much about your spouse. Never forget your happiness while you pretend to do everything for the happiness of your spouse.
In short, keep an aesthetic distance between you and your spouse. Give him or her a space of freedom while you hold on to him or her. Believe that you can also live in the absence of your spouse.
