The main characters in this event are a couple and the husband’s mother.
“I want my mother and my wife” the husband said to me. His wife and mother are always at loggerheads at each other. The clash begins the moment he leaves home for office. When he begins to focus on his duties in the office, his mobile phone will start ringing with his wife detailing her grievances over phone. And his mother’s call follows. “I am not able to concentrate on my job” the young man said with helplessness overshadowing his eyes.
Everybody desires for love and is willing to give love. Problems arise when there arises a disparity in the give and take of love. In this case, the villain was love. His wife and his mother love him excessively. For his mother, he is her son. For his wife, he is her husband. “He became her husband only after he was born to me” says the mother. “After marriage, wife has the upper hand over mother” argues the wife. The husband is suffocated between these two. He wants mother as well as the wife. But each of them wants more love than the other.
The wife accuses that her husband loves his mother more than her. On the other hand, the mother gets infuriated when she finds her husband spending more time with his wife. She calls him ‘hen-pecked.’
The actual problem here is not limited to certain events, but that the persons involved do not understand their specific roles and how to deal with relationship. A mother has her specific role. Likewise, a wife has her own role to perform. The man has two roles to play: that of a son and of a husband. These roles cannot be exchanged. Each of them needs to perform his or her role with sincerity and commitment. The relationship between the mother and daughter-in-law was dysfunctional in that home, and that was the real cause of all the problems.
A wife not only has the role of a wife, but also of the daughter-in-law. She should not fail in fulfilling her duty. I told the mother to give a private space to her son and his wife once he has married. Mother has no right to interfere in all their matters. She should not do things for him, which his wife needs to do. On the other hand, a wife should not hinder her mother-in-law from doing her duty to her son. Son also has a specific role to perform. He should find time to spend with his mother and wife. Similarly, he should also spend time with his mother and wife separately. When making decisions for future, he should consult his wife. He should consider his wife equal to him. What he has to say to his mother should be shared with her.
When each one performs his or her own roles perfectly and responsibly, there will not be any problem in the family. Problems arise when no one is willing to do his or her responsibility and when someone interfere in the matters of others.
There exists a notion that the mother-in-law is the sole cause for all problems in a family once her son is married. This need not be true always. Problems arise not only because the mother-in-law misbehaves with the daughter-in-law; but for other reasons as well.
There are some people who keep in mind the abusive words used while they quarreled. Nobody thinks about the wounds created in the minds of others when abusive words are applied. Such words can cause friction in relationships.
There is one more reason that triggers friction in marital relationships. If the husband or wife does not consider his or her partner’s emotional needs, it can create problems. Acts such as neglecting the spouse, unwanted silence, unwillingness to understand etc. can destroy marital ties.
In short, husband, wife and everyone related to them should perform their responsibilities well. They should be willing to understand each other. No one should usurp the role of others or perform his or her duties awkwardly. Then family life will be successful for sure.
